worse worser WORST
Feel free to infer using the title of my post. My life is going on so "well"! Can't say its worst as anything can get worser than worst. Go figure...
I'm sick of living up to others' expectation of me being nice all the time. I hate sucking up to people. I just realised something, from a certain point of time in my childhood(did I even have a childhood?) till now, I had no one I could truly depend on. Emotionally, mentally, physically I have to depend on myself. It's like, when I get so shaken, I talk to myself, crying. I have no one to talk to, to release this immense misery. I try to be as strong as I can and people just take me for granted. Logen this and Logen that.
I often wonder if I was born in a wrong body, to the wrong family, country, continent. I wish I was never born. To live with so much emotional pain is not to live at all. Just because I smile doesn't mean I'm happy. Why am I saying this? So that some idiots won't irritate me/"aggravate" me further just because I seem to be happy.
I want to go out alone and let it all out. Somewhere far, but its not possible. I'm financially "HANDICAPPED". I have to face the green walls of my room. All this, though I have faced for quite some years, seems so new to me. Everday I pray to get out of this life but guess what, I seem to be chained to it. I long for someone who would listen but no one thinks its important. After all, what could a 15 year old teenager be facing?
Evertime I feel as if I'm dying but have I actually died? I'm waiting...
I'm sick of living up to others' expectation of me being nice all the time. I hate sucking up to people. I just realised something, from a certain point of time in my childhood(did I even have a childhood?) till now, I had no one I could truly depend on. Emotionally, mentally, physically I have to depend on myself. It's like, when I get so shaken, I talk to myself, crying. I have no one to talk to, to release this immense misery. I try to be as strong as I can and people just take me for granted. Logen this and Logen that.
I often wonder if I was born in a wrong body, to the wrong family, country, continent. I wish I was never born. To live with so much emotional pain is not to live at all. Just because I smile doesn't mean I'm happy. Why am I saying this? So that some idiots won't irritate me/"aggravate" me further just because I seem to be happy.
I want to go out alone and let it all out. Somewhere far, but its not possible. I'm financially "HANDICAPPED". I have to face the green walls of my room. All this, though I have faced for quite some years, seems so new to me. Everday I pray to get out of this life but guess what, I seem to be chained to it. I long for someone who would listen but no one thinks its important. After all, what could a 15 year old teenager be facing?
Evertime I feel as if I'm dying but have I actually died? I'm waiting...
