Logish Lifestyle

Ever experienced a day that everything went wrong... That clearly reflects what my life is. Since the day I was born. I have yet to experience true happiness but it seems to me that I'm not fated to.

Here's what I have, SHIT family, SHIT friends, SHIT life... I was once told that after World War 2, the orphan babies that were lined closer to the aisle where the doctors were lived while those that were further died eventually. They were all fed properly, the thing was that the babies further away died because they weren't loved, weren't given any attention.

Be it whether I'm an orphan or not, love is an emotion I do not feel. I give so much but in the end, my intentions/efforts are neither well received nor appreciated. Nights go by and my tears flow, seems that god saw nothing. In reality, I wonder what's holding me back to end this. I have neither family nor friends... Well, it just feels this way.

I feel like I've cried out ever so in vain for help but not one soul responds. My heart wrenches slowly, numbness approaches but never arrives. I'm the cause of all the bad. That's what my family says. I'm to be blamed for all that is wrong. Absolutely! I'm not needed, I know you wished I was never born. So do I! My love shall always be an understatement.

The words you use, in comparrison to being stabbed by a dagger, worse. You seem to think that I'm self-absorbent. How wrong is that, I know so much more. Living in dreams where things are beautiful and I'm happyand where I awake, a place of unending nightmare.

Shortness of breath everyday. Why? Perhaps the end is coming, the day where I unite with nothingness. Waiting... waiting... Afterall, no one cares, no one shall remember.

.......So hurt, beyond words can describe

Posted by Logish at 1:00 AM | Permalink | Comments

I decided on impulse that since I was online, I might as well blog on updates for the past few days. Actually, this post is mainly about the finger puppet play my class was forced to watch at The Esplanade Theatres on a Saturday night. Surprisingly, my motive isn't to ostracise their production. Though, at the same time, finger puppeting was never my thing.

The thing that shocked me was that I in fact understood the play almost fully while my friends critcised it due to it's sadistic content. Well, I do agree there is some unnecessary sadism in it prompting me to say aloud, I quote, "Our school might as well let us watch pornography."

Anyway, here is my explanation on the play. This guy, starts out as a toddler, the first time when he fell into the deep dark pit down the road, he was helped out by a red ball to get out. Compare this to real life. Take the road to be life and the pit to be adversity. As a child, when we face problems, there are people there to help us and guide us out of trouble.

Then later on, the toddler grows to be a child, this time, when he fell into the pit, he climbed out of it himself. As we grow older, we are left alone to solve our problems and deal with our emotions.

The falling into the pit repeatedly and climbing out is shown repeatedly throughout the stages in the boy's life and each time, it gets easier to clmb out. This indicates that throuhout our lives, we are so used to facing adversity and solving the problem independently.

There comes a time when the boy cries tears of blood. The lonely music(sound creepy too) emphasises that as we go through adversity, no matter how serious it is, no one truly cares.

The boy who is now a man, commits suicide. If you notice, he was quite delusional as he scaled the building, he didn't want to die but the circumstances were as such that he had no choice. There was the sound of traffic going by , MRT announcements fading, cellphones beeping as all these happened. This means, even if you leave this world, the world will still go on. Deeply emphasing how uncaring and unemphatatic our society has become. Deeply burried in our materialism and our judgement of others even though we truly don't now them.

That's all folks! Nah... You want to know how I understood, I felt all this emotions before. It was meaningful and emphasising how twisted our society is. All of us strive to be perfect and yet we aren't. Who are we to judge people. This brings me to follow up on judgement and criticism because of race, colour, sex, sexual orientation, trangendered people. These people had no choice in deciding who they are. Just because they are different, we mock them and perceive them as freaks/less important. The question is, who are the real freaks or a better choice in word would be "monsters".

I most likely will blog on such issues eventually, but I need some time. You can share your views at the comment box...

Posted by Logish at 12:16 AM | Permalink | Comments

Exhaustion of life. Gulping Scotch to calm the hidden tears. I have so much to say, yet at a great loss for words.

For fear of discovery and harsh judgement, I'm someone else. Words stabbing me, the pain unimaginable. Laughing at my misery as none could be done. Wishful hope of normalcy. What was I thinking? I'm destined for pain.

Knowledge is an illusion, Confusion is closer to reality. Living is a cursed gift, eventually returning to earth. The race to be the best, the judgement, what for?

...................................................

Logen

Posted by Logish at 7:08 PM | Permalink | Comments