Mood disorder
It dawned upon me quite a long while ago that I may have mood disorder. Either that, or, I'm havng a horrible stage of puberty. I prefer the latter.
Yes, I admit, I do have a bloody problem concerning something that triggers the long chain of moods and emotions. If only the problem would dissolve or turn to my advantage(which is near impossible), I might be able to be more joyful.
Due to that, I was staggering home(not because of an injury), 'talking' to myself almost tearfully while making my way back home. I feel so unworthy of people, my family, friends, whatever... to care about me. Once again, I thought of shutting people out but I had grown tired of it already.
The course of action I am to take is currently blurry. Perhaps I'm making it so. However, ever since I gained full clarity, I wanted to now be rid of it. If such things of unbeauty had to be seen, I rather be blinded.
Maybe, all this, might bring me closer to understanding the path of the buddha. I don't know, for my thoughts conflict each other while my sight is pure. I'm losing the battle of denial. How long I can keep this up? I do not know. My faith is strong while my fate, a blur. Life...
